general

My vocabulary is awfully small. Not that that is a particularly awful thing, it just so happens to be true. The part of my memory that retains words seems to be diminishing (along with other parts). I just can’t seem to remember new words or terminology, this in addition to my already tiny word selection set.

If you use a big word in a conversation with me, chances are that I won’t know it. Oh, I’ll ask you what it means if I feel I’m missing the gist of what you’re saying. But chances also are that I’ll forget the meaning of that word. If I’m conversing via instant messaging, I’ll probably just look up the word on dictionary.com. Sometimes, if I’m feeling really lazy, I’ll just ask (yes, even in IM). But again, this doesn’t mean that I’ll retain knowledge of that word for future use. Chances are that I’ll look it up again, and again.

I remember when I was younger, my mom gave me this book titled something like “1100 words you need to know”. I never was interested in getting through it. Knowing words for the sake of knowing words doesn’t sound like too much fun. Don’t get me wrong, I love word play and a play on words. Puns are fun. It was similar with typing speeds. Driving up your typing speed just for the sake of driving up your typing speed seems rather pointless. And I’d score poorly in any such typing tests. Not anymore though, now I type fairly fast. But my typing speed improved as a result of wanting to code faster (getting the idea out in code as fast as I think it) and wanting to respond to ICQ messages quick enough.

I don’t know if I have any such equivalent for learning new words. I seem to get along fine with the ones I already know. Most other words are probably just fancy ways of saying words already in my vocabulary, and if they’re not, then I could probably still convey the idea through a combination of words I already know. Fancy words are overrated. Why would you want to look up a thesaurus? Just so you could make other folk look up a dictionary? What’s so wrong with using the words you already know?

One of the nice side effects of a small vocabulary is that the things I say/write can naturally lend themselves to being simple. I simply avoid the complexity of complicated words. In the end, it’s probably an internal mechanism designed to keep me lazy.

Note: No words were looked up during the construction of this entry. Although, the spell check feature was used multiple times.

Creativity is a false construct. And the notion that it is exclusive to certain people is silly and absurd.

You know those 5 second blurbs, them attention grabbers that they play on the television so you watch the news the next day?

You’ll be watching a Seinfeld rerun and right before they return to the program you’ll hear:
“Is your cell phone deadly? Tune in tomorrow at 6 to find out!”

Ummm. Why don’t you tell me now? It’s just a yes or no answer. I know some folk aren’t so concerned about the general adverse affects of technology, but death is a semi-serious issue I would think. It would be nicer to find out now as opposed to later.

You buy your niece a plastic train set and then the TV in the background says:
“Are plastic toys ruining your children’s health? Find out tomorrow at 6″.

There’s an awkward moment.

I’m waiting for this one:
“Do you only have 2 hours to live? Tune in at 6 tomorrow to find out”.

So, yeah, what is up with that?

I’ve been asked through out the years to blog my thoughts on marriage. I haven’t for a variety of reasons. A whiles back I decided I wasn’t going to blog about politics or religion or other things. Marriage falling into that other things category. I didn’t want to blog about these things because I felt I’d come off sounding “holier than thou”. I hate sounding holier than thou. If I really let out on the topic, the post would probably be full of fury and swearword-laden, but I’ll play nice. The “blog about it” rumblings have started again, and also Owl blogged about it. So I figured that I’d chime in too.

I am a 26 year old unmarried male (soon to be married, inshallah (did I just announce that on the blog even though I said I wouldn’t?)). Please don’t hold my male status against me, I was born this way. I have a problem with the system of marriage, or at least how it seems to function. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against marriage as an institution. I find the idea of growing old with someone very appealing and humbling. But there is a problem with the system and the process (or maybe with me). I might exaggerate my descriptions of said system, but you will let me know if I’m going overboard.

For me, this starts when I was somewhere in my early teens. I was in India, around a dining table where elder family members were discussing potential marriage candidates for my uncle. I was around in the periphery playing with one of my baby cousins but I was listening to the conversation. The comparison amongst potentials consisted of (among other things) things like their height and skin colour. All through out I kept wondering whether I should say something, these were my elders and if I spoke I would be directly going against things they were saying. Then at some point someone said something to the effect of: “I saw the girl’s feet and they seemed darker.”

What? WHAT??? Are you serious? This distinct pounding started in my head. It happens generally when I’m about to say something that I’m unsure I should say. But it never stops me, I end up saying it anyway.

“Kaise baatien karre aap log?” How can you say something like that?

All heads turned towards me. I tried to make my case about how their discussion was belittling and inappropriate. I said what if so and so uncle or auntie had darker skin colour, should that make them less marriageable? These are our brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts, how would we want to be treated? I did get the flurry of “you don’t understand because you’re a child” etc etc. But the conversation dragged on for a bit.

Someone then asked me this: if I were in a situation where I had to choose between two girls and they were both the same in every way except that one had dark skin and the other had white skin, who would I choose?

What? WHAT??? Are you serious? I said that the question was inappropriate and I refused to answer it. But I’m sure the point was lost on them. (In fairness to them, I’ve seen this attitude decrease as time has passed.)

I believe that we as people are greater than the sum of our parts. The marriage process, as it were, in the South Asian community dehumanizes people into their parts. I find this infuriating. I find the idea of comparing people like that absurd. We owe better to ourselves as human beings.

So when people say there’s a shortage of good people, I don’t doubt you, no. I’m a believer in Sturgeon’s law. But I question whether maybe he was okay except wasn’t tall enough for you. Or perhaps she was okay but didn’t have the culinary skills to feed your appetite. So don’t come around saying there’s a shortage of eligible men because they lack the necessary qualities of height (tallness) and hair on their heads, because we all now how ragingly important those are.

Which brings me to other absurdities. What’s with this cooking thing? “Well I don’t want to die of hunger!” some guys will say. Yeah? Then learn how to cook or eat out you ungrateful piece of no goodness. Or hire a cook. Seriously, if you want someone to clean after you and make your food, then hire a maid and a cook. Or yeah, go hungry for a few days, might do you good.

We are greater than the sum of our parts, the marriage process practically encourages us to split ourselves into our parts and remain that way. This has to stop. Maybe we think if we can match this against that then it will be a better match. You know, if the guy is 5′ 7″ then the girl must be around 5′1 at least, and people with X degrees shouldn’t marry people with Y degrees, because we know that just won’t work out. I’m sorry, but when did you become a tarot card reader? Tell the future much? I’ll take a paragraph right out of Owl’s post:

But then, there’s one over everyone’s head. No one is promised matrimonial bliss. Marrying young is no guarantee for happiness. Neither is waiting. Going for the ‘arranged’ seems to work as often and not as the ‘love’ variety. Marrying in your culture is no foil to divorce, but then neither is marrying out. It doesn’t seem to matter also if you’ve married someone much older, younger or the same age. Nothing is a sure-fire bet for matrimonial success. That’s life.

Unless of course the purpose of the process is to get the pretty girls together with the rich guys. Is it?

There are more absurdities. Some of the language I hear around the process. “We’ll let her do this and that”. What? You’ll let her? What does that mean? You’ll let her? Does she not have a mind of her own? Did you lose the ability to converse and reach consensus? Do you own her will? Do you own her? You should be ashamed of yourself. Learn how to talk and discuss things instead of throwing around directions and being controlling. This language needs to die off.

Yes, this is a rant. This is a rant about the absurdities of the process. Things are absurd because we let them be absurd. We are complicit when we simply watch people do stupid things and do nothing and say nothing. At the very least you should say something. If not you (us), then who?

Sure, I get it. We can’t simply make the suggestions I’m making here (”language needs to die off”). Yes, things need to be handled with tact. But, please, say something.

[Oh I am not done yet, there will be more.]

A few months ago I deleted most of my social networking accounts. Facebook, Twitter, Plaxo, Flickr, Tumblr, FriendFeed etc.

I get Facebook and Flickr.

Facebook you use as a souped up phone book or contact list. You don’t always keep in touch with people in your phone “book” (hah, does anyone still use a physical book to store this information?), and Facebook friends are the same. You don’t have to keep in touch, but their information is available when you need it. Since mostly everyone is on Facebook it becomes extremely useful to organize events. I think that is Facebook’s most useful function, at least ever since they took down Scrabolous.

Flickr you use to upload your photos. It’s simple. I like.

I kinda get Tumblr and Twitter, but not really.

Tumblr is blogging. I suppose I don’t understand having a blog AND a tumble log. It should all be one thing. There’s no such thing as “it’s not a proper blog post”. Anything can be a blog post. So just post it on your blog. Normal blogging software should already do what Tumblr does and it’s a shame that it doesn’t.

Twitter? Haha. I don’t get it. What’s stopping you from posting a 140 character message right on your blog? Seriously?

Yes, I know. I’m missing out on the social aspect of these things, they develop their own culture. With the reposting that happens on Tumblr to the whole network creating aspect of Twitter. I understand, but I’m not compelled enough (yet).

What bothered me with Facebook was people taking that “What are you doing right now?” thing way to seriously. “I’m 10 minutes from the ice cream store.”, “I’m 5 minutes away from the ice cream store now!!! Can’t wait!!!1″, “I’m standing in front of the ice cream store!!!”, “I’m opening the door of the ice cream store.”, “I’m inside the ice cream store.”, “What flavour should I try this time?”.

Ummm, no. So I select “Show less things from this person”, or whatever that option was. But then there’d be someone else who does the same thing. Sure, I could just stop using Facebook, or not use it as much. But I’m flawed like that. If it’s there, I’ll probably use it. I have difficulty letting go of things, and once I’ve let go it takes me a while to get back.

So eventually, I decided to delete my accounts. I probably shouldn’t have deleted Flickr, but I was on a roll. If it’s really important that I know what you’re doing or what you’re up to, I’ll ask/email you or you’ll email me and just tell me.

It’s not as if I’ll stay away forever. I’ll probably be back on some of these services. Maybe Twitter. I might give Twitter a chance and try and figure it out.